Sexual assault: A conversation on consent

A recent sexual assault on Kirkwood Community College’s main campus, along with high-profile cases such as the “Cornell 7,” has renewed attention to sexual assault and the importance of understanding consent and personal boundaries. 

According to John Hopkins University, sexual assault is prominent on college campuses to the point that there’s a high-risk period known as “The Red Zone.” From the start of the fall semester through Thanksgiving break is when more than 50% of campus sexual assaults occur.  

This is why a student should prioritize immediately knowing campus resources, safety options and be aware at parties. This is not to place blame on victims, as the bigger problem is the lack of understanding of what consent is. 

 Sexual assault has devastating, long-term effects on its victims. When a Kirkwood student, whose name has been changed to Jane to maintain her privacy, was asked about the aftermath of her nonconsensual experience with a boyfriend, she said, “I was not okay for a long time. I didn’t see the value in living. He knew I wanted to wait until marriage. He took that away from me,” 

 “We went to church the next morning, and he said it was my fault; I didn’t deserve to be loved and that it was going to happen either way, whether by him or someone else.” 

When it comes to any sexual act, consent is a clear “yes.” Hesitating, using any synonym of “no” and maintaining physical or social distance are not signs of consent. Consent is exclusive: consenting to one person doesn’t mean consenting to others.  

PTSD, anxiety, suicidal ideation, depression, sexual dysfunction, nightmares, flashbacks and a harmful self-image are all consequences of sexual assault, according to the International Society for Sexual Medicine. 

“It makes you really feel less of a human when this happens,” Jane said. “This isn’t something you can just say, ‘Oh yeah, this happened,’ and move on, especially when the legal system makes these things difficult to resolve.”  

 Another Kirkwood student, whose name has been changed to Sue for privacy, also had a nonconsensual experience. Sue said “It negatively impacted me in every aspect of my life. I found it very hard to feel safe; I have a hard time telling anyone no. I felt like my life wasn’t what I wanted but what others wanted to choose for me.”

Both students offered advice to others.   

“If you think it’s happening, say something,” said Jane. “Trust your gut, and don’t be ashamed because it’s not your fault. There’s always going to be someone in your corner.” 

According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center “Sexual misconduct is a broad term encompassing any unwelcome behavior of a sexual nature that is committed without consent or by force, intimidation, coercion, or manipulation. Sexual misconduct can be committed by a person of any gender, and it can occur between people of the same or different gender.” NSVRC continues on the definition of consent as “Freely given agreement to have sexual intercourse or sexual contact as indicated by words or overt actions by a person legally and functionally competent”. Competency which includes intoxication, unconsciousness, and sleeping.  

Sexual misconduct also includes grooming. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. (RAINN) defines grooming as “the deliberate act of building trust with a child, teen, or at-risk adult for the purpose of exploiting them sexually.”  

Harassment, roofing, spreading intimate images/videos, creating intimate videos/pictures with A.I, Stealthing (removing/sabotaging the contraception without the knowledge of the other partner), making videos without the other person’s consent is also deeply harmful and breaches consent.  

With a culture of doubting victims, mixed with the relationships the victim has with the perpetrator, or friends/family/community, including religion, can prove Jane’s and Sue’s point on the difficulty of reaching out for help.  

It’s easy to expect yourself and other victims to fight/flee when such things happen but the mind and body is complex. According to I Have The Right To, most often a victim resorts to freezing/fawning. It is not your fault if this happens.  

Victims may feel a deep shame. All while, according to Deutsche Welle’s article “The Pelicot case: The psychology of a rapist”,  

Rapists often try to justify their actions. Many commit actions out of a false sense of entitlement to sexual acts, or anger towards the victim’s identity, a desire to control/dominate, or out of a desire to humiliate/degrade the victim. Hence why, (like in Jane’s experience) many abusers keep harassing their victim afterwards 

It is important to persist, and find support through trusted people and the resources that exist for the sexually abused. You are not alone.  

“Finding support helped me a lot, but I understand that it can be scary to reach out for help,” Sue said.