In this world there are pieces of high cinema. Films that ponder the human condition, take storytelling risks and push the envelope of what is allowed in art. Films with high-flying action, leaving you on the edge of your seat and begging for more. Films with heartfelt characters, characters who find love and define what it is to be human. And then there’s “The Super Mario Bros. Movie.”
The Mario movie certainly is a movie that exists. It does not deserve to have its full name uttered in this article. For all intents and purposes, it is the Mario movie, and it will be left at that.
This movie attempts to tell a story of adventure and romance but falls flat with the quietest whimper. It provides a wide array of big name actors to get you into the theater. Some of these actors give an average at best performance, but it is for naught. They are clearly only there to get the paycheck.
The plot is lackluster, and will lull you to sleep. The one and only slightly positive aspect of this movie is the cuteness of the Toads.
There are three guarantees in everyone’s life: death, taxes and wasting precious time on frivolous matters. Millions of people will go see this movie in an attempt to escape the facts of life.
All will waste an hour and thirty-two minutes wishing they hadn’t. An individual could be using that time to help people in need.
If all the millions who saw this movie spent the hour and thirty-two minutes helping their fellow humans, this world would be a whole lot better.
This weekend, when the bell of boredom tolls, and you are called to waste precious money and time on this movie, please reconsider. The hands of time are ever marching. Marching to the doom of all. Time is the most precious resource we have. Please don’t waste it.
Max is a staff writer majoring in the Digital Arts Program. He also serves as a producer in Kirkwood Student Productions and plans to work in the video industry after college.
Categories: Art & Life, Movie Reviews
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